In Southeast Asia culture, Indonesia especially, people define the perfect life is living life as a husband-wife partner. No matter how rich and successful you are in your career journey, if you are still single, your life is not perfect yet. It sounds unfair to limit the definition of a perfect life. I know. But, if that’s the most common belief in the society where you are living, what can you say?
Day 6 of the #30dayswritingchallenge asks for a personal topic: single and happy. Quite sensitive to write here, right? But, I accepted the challenge already. So, I will do my best to deliver my thoughts on this stuff.
Southeast Asia culture: marriage before the thirties is an accomplishment
I was born in a suburban area in Central Java, Indonesia. Most people in my place are quite religious with Muslim domination. They are also very culturally centric.
In my opinion, there is only a slight definition of culture and religion. Either one of them viewed a man in their late twenties should have married. If not, societies will start questioning — as if it is such a big deal. On every occasion where there is a family or community gathering event, the discussion topic will be rolling over that topic. People even make it trivial to start a conversation with the ‘unlucky single man.’
That marriage topic appears with no barrier for the young people as if the late twenties is a prerequisite of becoming a housewife couple. It has been sketched on society’s vision that men and women in the late twenties are in a capable time frame to start a marriage. It has become a normal view. Most Eastern has set marriage as a race. I am indeed competitive and ambitious, but this scene is just non-sense.
I am now in my late twenties with no partner — just not yet. I am definitely in the situation that I have pictured earlier.
That marriage topic arises generally with no barrier for the young people as if the late twenties is a prerequisite of becoming a housewife couple. Most Eastern even view marriage as a race. What claptrap!
Best to mind your own business
But I do not give a sh*t about people’s opinions. I stand on my own belief that for this kind of stuff, it’s better off to mind your own business. Once a time questioning about this is still fine, but keep asking continuously is just… too much. I have my infinite freedom to craft my life journey as I want. So do you.
In my place, in this suburban area where I was born, I am an outlier. Most of my friends from elementary or junior high schools are married, with one child, or even two. I know some of them are struggling financially. They look older than me because of the pressure they have. I see how hard their life is by feeding their sons or daughters in such an early age.
Me, on the other hand, is single now. I used to live far away from home. In most past years back, I used to be at home for like a couple of days during the Idul Fitr festival. Perhaps, this is why I have an opposite thought than the majority. I believe, in retrospect, they are viewing me as a poor lad that needs love.
The sky has no limit, buddy!
It is my personal view that in your twenties, you must be living your own life. There should not be a wife or husband in the system — just you. You have your right to do or to have whatever you want. Also, achieving everything you dream with no need to weighing the household stuff.
Having a single relationship in your twenties is comfortable. Having a boy(girl)friend as a partner will probably bring positive energy and buddy support.
The clock keeps ticking forward. You, with your long life dream, must realize this. Much better if you can turn your total focus on pursuing your dreams rather than splitting it with household stuff. You better not involving yourself in things that probably restricting your path to success. Never waste anything by making the wrong decision.
I am not saying the starting a housewife couple at an early age is always wrong. But I pity them who view the marriage as a competition, on the other hand, judge others who are enjoying their time as single. They can be wrong since the ones who are not married yet are probably happier than them — who knows?